


Last Chance

by intheforest-hides-a-light (stinatinde)



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Drabble, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Sad and Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 20:44:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stinatinde/pseuds/intheforest-hides-a-light
Summary: Joseph dreams of his daughter and of a life he could have lived, only to wonder if his dream might actually be a vision of the future.This work is a supplemental one shot to The Poison And The Antidote, but it also stands on its own.





	Last Chance

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea while on a walk today and decided it would be a nice break from what I am currently writing. For those of you reading The Poison and The Antidote (my fic from Rachel aka "Faith" 's point of view, consider this a supplemental piece. Gives a bit more insight into how Joseph is doing ;)

It was not uncommon for Joseph to have dreams. He’d shut his eyes and the images would play before him. Sometimes memories would come back to life and he’d see the face of his wife or the dark times he spent living in slums and ghettos searching for his brothers. He rarely ever dreamed of his daughter.

But tonight he did. 

She was about three years old, an age she never lived to be, toddling around the living room, carrying a soft doll. Joseph sat on the sofa reading a book, the sizzle of his wife’s cooking on the stove in the kitchen excellent white noise to focus to. His daughter was a quiet child, gentle and well behaved. She reminded Joseph very much of John when he was little. A closer look at the girl and she almost had her uncle’s soft eyes.

Joseph set down his book and watched her little legs move about very busy, from one end of the room to the next. She peeked around, searching for something. He grinned at her joyously. She was so precious. 

The little girl turned around to look at her father, hurrying over to him as quick as her small legs could carry her. 

“Daddy!” She squealed. “Daddy! Daddy!”

He scooped her up onto his lap. “What is it, baby girl?”

She smiled wide, her head leaning on his shoulder, mischievous little eyes looking up at him. He made a silly face and her laughter echoed throughout the small apartment.

“What is it?” He asked her again.

“Bike ride!” She said. “Bike ride!”

He pinched her chubby cheeks. She was impossibly cute and so difficult to refuse. 

Joseph checked his watch. 4:35. They had just over an hour until sunset. But he was unsure of how long they had until dinner. 

“Go ask mommy.” He said. “Come right back and tell me what she says.”

Thrilled by the importance that the errand gave her, the little girl gently slid off her father’s knees, setting her small feet on the floor. She hurried around the corner, into the kitchen, where her mother was cooking.

“Mommy!” She shouted. “Mommy!”

Joseph could hear his wife’s soft spoken voice. “What is it, sweetie?”

“Can daddy and me go bike ride?”

Joseph knew his wife well. In his mind’s eye he pictured her as she glanced up at the clock above the stove before leaning down to kiss their daughter on the head. “Okay. But only for half an hour. Or the food will be cold.”

The little girl ran back from around the corner, giggling with excitement. 

“Mommy said yup b-but only half hour daddy!”

Joseph had already overheard the conversation but he allowed his daughter to deliver the news because he delighted in the glee that it brought her. 

“Hooray!” He said for her sake, scooping her up again, this time standing and carrying her over to the closet. He opened the door slowly and let her peek inside. 

She gasped, her little eyebrows raising in fear and adventure. “Monsters in there, daddy!”

“No monsters,” he said, pulling the cord that turned on the small light bulb above the coats and shoes, “See?”

She was absolutely amazed. Daddy was her magical hero. He knew how to bring about light and keep the monsters away. 

“Which jacket do you want?” He asked her.

“Pink! Pink!” She squealed.

He reached into the closet with one hand and pulled the littlest jacket off the rack. “This one?”

She reached for it, grabbing from him. She snuggled the soft fabric close to her face. “Yup.”

Joseph set her down. “Where are your shoes?”

She bent down and peered into the bottom of the closet. She pointed to a teensy pair of brown boots with owls on them. 

“Yes!” He cheered for her. “Can you pick them up?”

She did.

“Good job! Now sit wait just one minute. Daddy’s gonna find our helmets, sweetheart. Then we’ll put our shoes on and get going.”

And that’s exactly what they did. Joseph undid the lock on his bike and checked the tires to make sure they didn’t need any air. There was a baby seat fixed on the front, just behind the handlebars. Joseph lifted his daughter and buckled her in. 

He held the handlebars steady as he kicked up the kickstand and swung his leg over the seat.

“Ready to go?” He asked her.

“Yup!” She put her chubby little arms up in their air like the was on a roller coaster. Everything is more fun when you're three.

Joseph started pedaling. 

The city was beautiful this time of year. The autumn leaves swirled with the wind. Several floated down from the trees into his daughter’s lap. She giggled and tossed them back up into the air. 

“It’s snowing leaves, daddy! It’s snowing leaves!”

Joseph chuckled. “Aren’t they pretty?”

“Yup!” 

The cool breeze, the warmth in his heart, the scenery and the speed of the bike all added up to two feelings: freedom and happiness. Here the weight of the world had been turned to nothing but delicate autumn leaves that flew off his shoulders as quickly as they fell there. No worries were in sight. There was no end to the sidewalk in sight. No end to the world in sight.

Atom bombs are the same colors as autumn leaves. 

When Joseph woke up reality was intolerable. He wanted so desperately for the dream to continue, to live forever in that golden afternoon with the hushing breeze and the laughter of his daughter in front of him. He wanted to watch her grow up. To teach her how to ride herself. To watch her go to school and make friends and fall in love.

He would never know that happiness. And it was all his fault. 

He never doubted the decision to end her life until now. After he saw what she could have been. The man _he_ could have been. 

Joseph looked over at the girl sleeping beside him. Sweet Rachel. Loving, doting, gentle Rachel. How could a monster like him share a bed with such an angelic creature? He didn’t deserve her. He knew he didn’t. He cursed himself for lying to her about his daughter. 

For a moment he thought he heard God whisper, “Hope.”

He pondered the dream. Perhaps it was not a road that was closed in the past but a glimpse into the future. Perhaps the daughter he strapped into the seat was not the daughter he lost, the child he killed, but the child he was yet to have. And what if the woman in the kitchen was not his wife who died, but the girl who was sleeping beside him?

Reality continued to seep in. Joseph became more and more aware of where he was. At the compound. Near the church. By the river. In Hope County, Montana. He was on a mission to save people from the coming collapse. They were gathering supplies and building bunkers and preaching and saving people. He wasn’t in Georgia anymore. The life he dreamed of and the life he was living couldn’t coexist. 

His dream felt farther and farther away. He wanted to drop everything he was doing here and return to the simple life God had shown him while he slept. He needed to think. He needed to understand why God showed him _that_ dream. 

Joseph got out of bed carefully, trying not to disturb the sleeping beauty beside him. He put on his jeans, gathered his things, and silently left. Outside the air was brisk and refreshing. The river ran calmly as ever. Joseph wished he knew what that kind of peace felt like. He began the slow walk towards the church. 

Once inside, he thought he heard footsteps. The pit pat of a child running. He looked around and saw nothing. His body heavy with sadness, he leaned against the door frame, holding back tears. He looked up. 

“Why did you make me do it, God?”

God didn’t answer.

Joseph pulled himself upright and carried himself to the altar, his steps heavy as his heart. He placed a hand on the wood and collapsed. His head sank into his hands. He cried. 

He thought he heard a giggle. The joyful sound of his daughter’s squeal as they rode down that hill. He looked around, hoping to see her short, stubby frame and big blue eyes peering at him. He wanted her to run to him. He wanted to lift her up high and sit her on his lap. He wanted to make silly faces at her and hear her shrieking laughter.

But he was met with silence again. He looked up.

“God?” He shook his head. “Why’d you give me that dream? Why did you tell me to…”

His memory played of the pink bundle he held in his arms kicking and struggling for air and the silence that followed. 

“I didn’t want to do it, God…” Joseph cried. “Why did you make me do it?”

Again, God didn’t answer. 

For the first time in his life Joseph wondered what voice he was really hearing when he pinched that tube. Was it divine? Was it holy? Was it God? Or something dark and gross inside him that he thought was God but wasn’t? A demon perhaps, or Satan himself? The devil had the voice of an angel and Joseph wasn’t wise enough to hear the difference.

He sat there now, plagued by the murky bile of doubt. He doubted himself. He doubted the Project. He doubted if there ever was a God.

“What am I supposed to do?” He asked the void, unsure of what spirits were listening if there were any at all. 

He thought of Rachel. He knew she loved him. He wanted to love her but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to let go of Faith. 

Perhaps, because God wasn’t answering, that was just what he was supposed to do. 

More tears streaked his face as he relived the dream. He would do anything to get back to that place. Anything to hold that child of pure love. Anything. 

But he didn’t think he deserved that happiness after the things he had done. 

Rachel did. She was good. She was so good. He didn’t deserve her.

Joseph’s best thought was to start pulling away. Restricting affection towards her. Withdrawing himself so he wouldn’t be hurt once she discovered he was a monster and never wanted to see him again. He felt guilty for sucking her into his world. All he wanted was to go back to the way things were. She reminded him of his past. He wanted to hold on to her forever, just as she was. And he wanted to start over. With her. He didn’t want his past to tarnish him so he lied. But deep down, he knew. He knew she would find out eventually and that there would be no hope for him after that.

“Last chance.” God whispered. “Tell the truth. Confess. Repent. Forgive.”

“She will hate me.” He mumbled. 

“Last chance.” The voice said again.

Just then the church door opened. Standing there in the golden glow of sunrise, light traveling through the sheerer bits of her dress, locks of hair falling over her shoulders, was Rachel. 

Despite saying her true name in his head, he greeted her with “My Faith.”

She approached him and kneeled beside him. Her soft slender hand reached for his face. She touched him ever so gently and Joseph thought he had been touched by an angel. 

“You’ve been crying?” She asked.

He looked into her green eyes, searching for the tools to tell her the truth. He tried to find them. This time he really didn’t want to lie. He didn’t want to lose her.

“I…” he began. Words weren’t coming. Thoughts swirled. Outcomes emerged and receded. His mind was at war with itself. The thought of asking her to marry him right then and there crossed his mind like a shooting star. He knew she’d say yes. She’d do anything for him. But alas the spark vanished before he could make that wish. 

She never told him she loved him but he felt it nonetheless. And he’d never say he loved her because he knew his heart would break if he did. What he didn’t understand was that hers broke with each passing day that she didn’t hear those words. And she was too shy, too meek, too unassuming to say them first. 

“You don’t have to tell me.” She said. “But I’m here for you if you need it.”

“I had a bad dream.” Joseph lied again. But he stopped himself. “Actually I had a really good dream. The bad part was waking up.”

She smiled that distinctly broad grin of hers. “I used to have those all the time.”

“And then what happened?” He asked, hoping for guidance from this so young yet so wise creature before him.

She looked down and took his hand. When their fingers locked she looked back up at him. “And then I met you.”

He didn’t _deserve_ that.

He didn’t deserve _her_. 

“Rachel, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Her eyes filled with hope. 

He couldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear and he couldn’t tell her the truth. 

“Last chance.” God whispered. 

But Joseph couldn’t do it. 

He stroked Rachel’s hand. His mind was starting to form sentences again. It wasn’t quite what he wanted to say or how he wanted to say it. But it came out. “Promise you’ll never leave me.”

Her other soft hand reached up behind his head and her fingers buried themselves inside his long hair. “You already know I could never do that.”

Joseph took a deep breath. “I’m… I’m not the man you think I am. I…” 

He stopped. He couldn’t go on. He knew she’d never look at him the same way again.

God grew angrier. His voice was loud and disciplining. “Last chance!”

“My daughter is dead because of me.”

He watched the light in Rachel’s eyes dim. He didn’t want that light to go out completely. He couldn’t let it.

“She was born early.” Rachel said, trying to soothe him. “It wasn’t your fault. She wouldn’t have lived.”

“The doctors said she was going to!” Joseph was fighting two battles. He was trying to save face around his current lover and to obey the God he feared. “They told me she would but I…”

“Joseph, listen to me. It wasn’t your fault.”

He hid his face in his hands. He couldn’t do it to her. He couldn’t ruin the picture she had of him in her head. He didn’t want her to know. He never wanted her to find out. He wanted forgiveness but he didn’t want to confess. 

It was just too easy to continue the lie.


End file.
